Stillness And Understanding

Originally written on June 9, 2019; M was 2.5 years old.


After an adventurous weekend, dirt accumulated under M’s nails. I’ll admit that I’m not usually the one to clean and trim her nails as my CP hands are not very steady. I typically leave that job for my husband or my mom. However, my husband was on night-shift, my mom was out of town, and … this dirt was starting to get under my skin. M’s mood seemed particularly calm this evening, so I thought I’d give it a try.

As with most toddlers, staying still is not one of their glowing traits. On top of that, it takes me longer to do most things for M. To my surprise, M stayed still enough for me to complete the task and kept saying in her sweet voice, “it’s hard, Mommy?”. I kept thanking her for her patience.

Before having M, I often forgot I have a disability. Now that I have M who depends on me to care for her, it seems like my “disability” is more apparent in everything I do. I am continuously faced with the challenge of trying to rush myself through something that I usually wouldn’t do very quickly (i.e., tie shoelaces, buttons, zippers, cut food, trim nails, etc.). Thankfully, M is exceptionally patient with me and very understanding. At such a young age, she understands far more than I give her credit for sometimes. Now and again, she shows me just how intuitive she really is, and maybe I should stop being so hard on myself. Clearly, she is not in a rush, so why am I rushing?

I’m fortunate to have this beautiful, smart, intuitive, wise little girl as a daughter to teach me a lifetime of lessons.

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